When Stars Drift Apart

The sun filtered into the cramped room through the silted window as he opened his eyes. He smiled as he stretched his hand only for her to whine as she stirred, nestled against him. His smile deepened as he kissed her forehead and in response, a smile spread across her face.

He sat up on the mattress.

He felt the weight on the mattress shift as she grabbed his t-shirt from the floor.

“Hey”

She said resting her chin on his shoulder.

“Hey!” he said his head resting against hers.

The sun climbed a little further in the sky and a little more into the room.

He looked around the room. It was small.

“It’s like a toy house” she had said when she saw the place for the first time. The bedroom was the kitchen and the living room all in one. The only room with its designated role at all times was the bathroom.

But the place began to lose its demerits every time she came over. It became almost a sacred place, a home.

He sighed as he realized it wouldn’t be the same henceforth.

“Hey!” she said, grabbing his shoulders, “We agreed we wouldn’t be sad.”

Eyes down cast he nodded.

“Look at me”, she said, gently nudging his chin up.

She suddenly understood her error when she found herself gazing straight into his eyes. They seemed to convey a wealth of emotions, and tears were also welling up in them. But in his eyes, she saw the pain that made her feel like she was falling through the sky.

She closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around him; their embrace tightening every second. Neither wanted to be the first to let go. Eventually, he did.

He began tackling the pile of clothes on the floor. It wasn’t his favourite activity, but at the moment, folding laundry seemed like a better option than facing his emotions.

“I…” she began but no words came out. “We promised we couldn’t get emotional.”

Her friends had advised her to focus on the rational aspects of the situation and that’s what she was continuing to do. It was the only thing that held her back from being a sobbing mess.

But right now, with only hours left, it was proving to be difficult. She was moving to another state and within a year he was leaving the country.

For weeks they had gone back and forth, unable to make a decision. No matter what anyone else said, it was hard to call off what they had.

“I know…” he said, raking a hand through his hair.

“I didn’t think it would be this hard” She nodded, tears threatening to break free.

He sighed. “It’s for the best.” He walked around the room and then settled down opposite her on the other side of the room.

She nodded and began looking for her pair of shorts in the clothes pile. Once she had them on, she surveyed the room.

Throughout their relationship, more and more of her stuff began to accumulate in the room. Her books lay in a pile beside his, the coffee mugs she had bought them lay in one corner by the stove. Her bracelets sat in an ashtray, and even her new throw pillow was there.

In more ways, this toy house of theirs had been her home for the past few months. And with that thought the gravity of their decision suddenly increased a few fold.

“I…” She began, her voice cracking. “I have a lot of stuff here!”

She picked up a box she had brought with her and set it in the middle of the room.

“I’ll help,” he said as put on a t-shirt.

A few items went into the box, the books and colour pens scattered about where the first to go. Then came the clothes.

“When did you bring your entire wardrobe here?” he asked hoping he would make some tension disappear.

She shrugged.

“I don’t know”, she began, “We started spending a lot of time together, I started coming over and before I knew it everything I wanted or needed was here.”

She looked over at him, remembering the days filled with classes and take-out foods that ended up in youthful abandonment.

“To be fair”, she said, folding her jacket, “I may have purposefully left a few things behind so that I would have a reason to return.”

He chuckled, as he took the jacket from her and placed it in the box.

“And now…” she sighed, tossing the scarf into the box. “It feels like the universe is shattering and I have to watch as bit by bit each piece is lost in space.”

Her voice hitched and silent sobs escaped her. They didn’t go unnoticed.

He walked up to her. Taking her by the hand, he led her to a clearer space in the mess and sat down, crossed-legged on the floor; she followed him.

The goodbye won’t be without pain regardless of how much they may try. The notion of parting without addressing their relationship and emotions was now discarded.

They were headed to different places and in the days that led to its discovery, it was clear, an unspoken agreement between the two that they would part ways.

They were practical like that but also young. And the youthful pride in their hearts caused them to go through the days before today without ever opening up about their emotions.

He looked at her, hesitant, his voice a mix of curiosity and sorrow. “Do you know how much distance is between Alcor and Mizar?”

She looked up at him puzzled. But answered anyway. Astronomy was their thing after all.

“The double stars? Yes…about 0.2 light-years.”

“Yes, and yet we call them double stars because of how close they appear when we look from here.”

She waited for him to continue, unsure where this stream of thought was headed.

“Our universe is not shattering, it is expanding.” He continued, “It is growing. And despite the distance, we will be close.”

She mustered a small smile, wiping tears with the back of her hand. “But there will be other stars”, she said tearing up again. “And to some of them, Alcor and Mizar will be gravitationally bound to.”

He struggled to accept it, but deep down he understood that their time together was coming to an end. New people would step in to fill the space they once occupied in each other’s lives.

‘We just hang out together’ that’s what they said to all of their friends who wanted to know their relationship status.

‘But you are glued together to the hip!’ others would say frustrated and they would shrug with a shared smile.

How much of a fairy-tale their time together had been?

‘Too good to be true. Don’t jinx it’, she had always said that and yet here they were.

She saw him struggling to say something. But more than that she saw the same question swirl in his eyes.

He gave her a half smile and said, “But there is only one Mizar and only one Alcor. Right?”

She managed to smile.

She gazed at him. Trying to commit every single detail about him to the memory; from the ruffled hair to the curved nose to the doe-like eyes and the boyish grin. She moved closer to him and he opened his arms welcoming her as she nestled right in.

This is it. She thought. This is home and this is peace. His heartbeat suddenly felt like her favourite song. He took a deep breath, filling his lungs with the sweet fragrance of her. The aroma was reminiscent of delicious chocolate and sugar, wrapping him in a warm blanket of nostalgia and memories of precious times gone by.

And what more proof could you need of two people completely in sync when they spoke:

“I am going to miss you.”

He chuckled.

“That’s so corny”, she said and he shrugged it off saying he didn’t care.

They sat like that as if frozen in place when he noticed her journal lying nearby holding all her poetries, a few of them, about him.

“Write about me, one last time, please.”

She took a deep breath and intertwined their fingers before reciting:

I met a boy with a boyish grin and eyes that reminded me of the moonless sky

But then he spoke and suddenly the stars shone a little bright.

Bit by bit, inch by inch, I became a part of his orbit and he, mine.

And in the endless sky, we stood side by side.

We were our universe and I loved it.

But now the universe is growing and we are moving apart.

And I hate it here;

Every ounce of me screams to hold onto tight, knowing the universe would still shatter.

I hold onto him until I lose myself in the moonless sky,

Until the imprint of his fingers interlocked in mine is tattooed on my skin.

Only then did I let go

But a promise I ask

Will you remember the two starts that came this close?

She looked at him teary-eyed. Her heart tugged when she saw his face tear-stained. He kissed her.

“Yes.” He said as the kiss broke.

They stayed like that locked in an embrace until they felt ready to let go, until they realised that the stars would always be visible, close to each other, sunk in.

And after what felt like an eternity, he asked her-

“Ready to pack?”

“Yes”, she said breaking their embrace and finally understanding that no matter how far apart the stars still share the same sky.